**About The Guest(s):** Cynthia Fontaine is a personal development coach and psychic who has dedicated her life to helping others find their magic and live authentically. She has extensive training in the envision process, which is based on Carl Jung's work, and uses this technique to access the subconscious mind and create positive change. **Summary:** In this episode, Cynthia Fontaine discusses the importance of addressing unresolved trauma and emotional wounds in order to live a more authentic and fulfilling life. She emphasizes the need for new data and input to replace old patterns and habits, and encourages listeners to take the first step towards healing and personal growth. **Key Takeaways:** - Unresolved trauma can manifest in unhealthy patterns and behaviors in relationships and other areas of life. - It is important to seek new data and input to replace old patterns and habits. - Taking the first step towards healing and personal growth is crucial for creating positive change. **Quotes:** - "When you have unresolved trauma, that trauma will come out sideways." - Cynthia Fontaine - "Life is difficult enough outside of ourselves. Let's choose to make it less difficult within ourselves and within our mind." - In this episode, Cynthia Fontaine discusses the importance of addressing unresolved trauma and emotional wounds in order to live a more authentic and fulfilling life. She emphasizes the need for new data and input to replace old patterns and habits, and encourages listeners to take the first step towards healing and personal growth.
Cynthia Fontaine
About The Guest(s): Cynthia Fontaine is a personal development coach and psychic who has dedicated her life to helping others find their magic and live authentically. She has extensive training in the envision process, which is based on Carl Jung's work, and uses this technique to access the subconscious mind and create positive change.
Oh, my gosh. Welcome to episode 13. 1s Yes, I am using the number 13. I actually love the number 13. 1s There's a lot of history behind the number 13 that many people today are unaware of, such as 13 was the number, which was considered to be the Goddess number. And when the Goddess culture was, for all intents purposes, obliterated, 1s the number 13 went with it. And then all this superstition came around it. In a future show, I'm going to invite a goddess expert to come on so that we can talk more about the Goddess energy and the fact that the Goddess energy is now coming back to the surface. But that's not what today's podcast is all about. Today's podcast is all about 1s following in the line that the shows have been going to build one on top of the other. Our last podcast was with the phenomenal Daniel Levin. And if you missed it, like I always say, go back and listen, because you're going to want to hear everything that we talked about. So some of the things that we talked about with Daniel in the last episode, in episode twelve, we talked about reading in between the lines. We talked about fear, we talked about ego, we talked about love. And how love is actually 1s the opposite side of fear, and how hate comes from fear. When we fear something, we don't understand something, things can turn hateful. When we sit with another person or even sit out in nature to listen deeply with our not just to hear the words, but to listen with our feelings, with all of our five senses. Six senses, actually, because your intuition is your 6th sense. Although I really kind of feel strongly that it's really your first sense because we are all born with it, and it's the most important sense out of all the senses, in my opinion. 1s You can be the judge of your own opinion, how you feel about that. For me personally, some of my most difficult relationships have been where I have learned the most about myself. And it's also given me opportunities to become a better listener and a better communicator to be sure that I am doing everything in my power to really hear a person really feel the emotions that a person is trying to express and to get under the layers. Right. It's so common for people to sort of live on the surface of their emotions because it's scary to go deep into emotions. It's scary to go deep into the things that traumatized us. And 2s what I do as a psychic, I can see the layers under that fear. And it's very interesting to me when I'm working with a person or if it's someone in my own life that I'm in relationship with, it's very interesting to see how from frightening it can be for people to access that part of them that has been locked away for so long. And it goes back to fear and love. Right. Because when we were kids growing up. 1s So many people had to try to get love in ways that weren't really that healthy. And a lot of people who come to me and my work and are looking for guidance or assistance had trauma. I mean, look, who hasn't had trauma, right? When you're a kid, when you're an adult, there are traumatic things that happen to us. It's part of the human condition, right? Things just happen. No matter how great your parents were or your family was, there's always something that happened to us growing up. And for some, there were a lot of things that happened growing up that were traumatic and even as an adult. And so when we bury those things, just like when we try to bury the ego, the voice will get louder and louder to try to get your attention so that you can actually turn on the light switch and bring these things to the surface, us to heal. Sometimes when we turn on that light switch for the first time, it can be kind of scary. Like when you get up in the morning and you look in the mirror for the first time and your hair, if you have hair on your head, it's all over the place. My hair in the morning is absolutely crazy. 2s So when you turn that light switch on for the first time or even 1swhen you just start to work with your shadow, side with your ego side with the trauma and the pain points, it can be kind of shocking in a sense. Now, I do in my work, I work with people who lot of people who have had serious trauma in their lives. I work often in combination with a therapist so that they are getting the medical support that they need and also with the work that I do. 1s It's a very nice combination when somebody is in therapy. Now, I do want to add a disclaimer here that this show as well as all of my other shows and podcasts are not intended to be treated as giving medical advice. These are my opinions only. They are not medical advice. And I encourage you, if you are in need of medical help, that you reach out to a medical provider, whether it's a doctor or a therapist, and get that help that you may need. Now, that being said, I am trained in a process called the envision process which is based on card young's work and it accesses the subconscious mind. It's a kind of a cool thing that the subconscious mind thinks in pictures. And so when you prompt it. To 2s when you access the subconscious mind, it will form the picture in your mind. And I do this through a meditative state. I will take people through a meditation so that they can relax. And then the really cool thing about the envision process is if you are someone who has had trauma, you never actually have to talk about the story. 3s You basically name off the emotions and the feelings that you're feeling, and then that triggers the subconscious mind to go to a landscape. And it's pretty cool work and super effective. It creates new neurotransmitters in the brain so that you can go down a new highway rather than going down that same potholed, broken down road that you may been traveling on for however many years. When you have unresolved trauma, that trauma will come out sideways. It'll come out in your relationships, it may come out through anger, it may come out as passive aggressiveness. It may come out in the silent treatment. I don't know if you've experienced that, but oh, my goodness, my former husband didn't speak to me at one point for seven months when we were married. Not one word for seven months. Try living with that. 1s If I was in a different headspace, I might have thought it was wonderful, but I didn't think it was so wonderful at the time. Now, looking back, I'm thinking maybe it wasn't so bad 2s anyway. 1s The silent treatment can be as painful as 2s being treat it passive aggressively. 3s The only thing that sort of would trump any of those kind of sideways behaviors is physical abuse. Obviously. Mental abuse, no matter how it's done, it's harmful. It hurts, right? 1s But I don't know if there's one mental abuse that's worse than another. 2s I don't know. There may be some research on that. That's not something that I have actually checked into. But mental abuse is mental abuse is mental abuse and it's harmful, right? Physical abuse. And the thing with the mental abuse is we don't see it. So you may never know what a person is going through in their interior, in their mind, it. You will know that a person has unresolved emotional trauma when things come outside base. And I've been dealing with this with a person in my own life for a while now, and this is somebody that I'm pretty close with. And so, you know, there's some investment there as far as time and caring, and it's difficult to just shut the door and say, hey, you got a problem. I'll see you later, because you're not working on this. But it's getting to that point where if this person continues to choose to ignore these emotions that are coming out in very unhealthy ways, 3s there will be a point where I will decide to 1s step away from the relationship completely. And that's a hard choice to make for many of us, especially if you're listening to this podcast, because that means you are emotionally sensitive, you are intuitive, you're an empath, you're a psychic. You probably do healing work, or you lean towards being a healer, whether you heal with your words or heal with your hands. Um. 1s And so you I may be talking directly to your heart right now, where you have had a relationship or you have a relationship in your life now that is somewhat toxic. And so my my first husband, I knew that we were soulmates, and I didn't know much about past lives at that point. I was young. I was in my early 20s actually. I kind of really didn't know anything about past lives back then, 1s but somehow I knew that we had karma together, and I felt really strongly that this was the lifetime that it was finally going to go right and that we were going to have our happily ever after. Well, unfortunately, that didn't happen, 1s and there's a million reasons why, but one of the biggest reasons why was because I was willing to do the work and he wasn't. It's in our closest relationships where we have the opportunities to see ourselves and also do the work so that we can heal those wounded parts of ourselves, open ourselves up, and have a more authentic and meaningful life. So we will get into relationships with 1s what is familiar, right? So your family of origin and your parents and their characteristics and the way that you were wounded in that relationship, we automatically look for that type of person out into the world. So the reticular activating system of the mind is always looking for what's familiar. And sadly, because as humans, we're negatively biased. We're always looking for what's wrong. So even though you may have 20 people in a room and say, you grew up like me, where my dad was an alcoholic, I'm going to scan the whole room and I'm going to pick out the alcoholic. And that's the person that I would date or the addict. Why? Because the energy is familiar to me. Now, does that mean that if I were to start dating this person, I would know right away? 1s No. And it's never actually happened that I did know right away. When I dated a person who had an addiction problem, it was often sometime afterward that 1s I discovered that both in my marriage and in a couple of significant relationship ships that I had after my marriage. 1s And so until that wound is healed, we'll keep going back to the same type of relationships. We'll 1s keep picking the same person over and over again. You may have seen this in your life where somebody you know gets divorced or separated. The next thing you know, the next person looks just like their ex. Very similar. Their characteristics are very similar to their ex, right? Maybe they're a little bit younger, maybe not. But you will see resemblances that are sometimes uncanny. 1s Why is that? The reticular activating system of the mind. 2s So how do we change it? Right, because this show isn't only talking about the shadow. It's also about giving you tools that can help you identify work with shift things. Right. So how do you shift it? Well, you can't ever shift things into other people. The other person has to want to change or do something different on their own. 1s You can lead with your own life as an example 1s and then go from there. 1s Now, shifting things takes work because we are programmed from the moment actually that when we're in utero, we can hear what's going on in the outside of us. So what's happening with your mom? And you also actually pick up the emotions and the feelings that your mom goes through when you are in utero. So your information, the data that is installed 2s already begins when you are in utero and then continues as you're born and then as you grow up. Now, some people have great data input and other people not so much. Many people fall somewhere in between. They've had some good data input, and they've had some not so good data input. So how do you clean that up? Well, it's just like when you get junk mail, right? You go to your email inbox and you've got 100 messages, and 75% of them are junk mail. Well, you can filter those junk mail messages out. 2s And send them to a separate 1s folder. But even when you do that, I've noticed in my own emails, I still get junk mail that comes through into my main box, even though it's clearly junk mail. So no matter how hard we try to filter out the data that been inputted in our minds, in our brains, in our conscious and subconscious minds, it will find a way to make its way into your inbox. So with your email, you unsubscribe. Now, that doesn't alleviate, again, 100% of the junk mail, but it can alleviate quite a bit of it with your mind. Unsubscribing is actually putting new data in. So what can unsubscribing look like when we're talking about the mind? Well, it can look like going through hypnotherapy. It could look like doing NLP, doing EFT, tapping technique. There's so many techniques out there that can help you to unsubscribe or 1s erase or reset the data that has been programmed into your mind. And then you need to input new data. So inputting new data means seeking out new data, which can be through a counselor, it can be working with a coach. 2s You may have a medical issue that you need to see a medical doctor for. So when you want to rewrite, when you want to 2s create new data on your chip, your hard drive, whatever, you need to add new input. And so the new input has to come from outside of you. That old saying from Albert Einstein, when you keep doing the same thing, you're going to get the same result. And that's the definition of insanity. So it's a really great thing when you can look outside of yourself to grow and expand and to add new information 1s into your psyche so that you can start doing things in your life in a different way, and for some of us, in a more healthy way, and. Now, of course, there are going to be some areas in life that are more easily rewritten, that are more easily shifted and changed. And then there are going to be other areas that will take more work. And in some cases, it may even take years to 1s create 1s a new way of life and living on a very deep level. So as we uncover levels of 2s trauma, of unhealthy patterns and things like that, there'll be another layer underneath it I remember at one point I had done a lot of personal development work in my mid to late thirty s. And it got to a point when I had just finished working with this one teacher where I said, oh, thank God that's done. That was really hard work and then I got into a relationship a while after that and all of the things that I had worked on, some of them started showing up again in this new relationship and I thought wow. 1s I've already done this work. Why is this showing up again? This isn't right. I've already fixed this. I've done this. Well, yes and yes are true. Yes, I already did a lot of work in that area. And yes, things were coming up again because what I didn't know then was there were more layers underneath that which I have come to know and understand stand. And so I'm a person who is always ready and willing to dive in deeper. And that actually gives me the ability to be able to go in really deep with my clients because I can hold the space when they are uncovering these different layers within themselves. An important note here is that I cannot do the work for you. I cannot do the work for my clients. I'm not here to save or rescue anyone. I'm here to offer whatever the tools I have are to you so that you can then take them and change your life. And I'm on the sideline cheering you on. It took me a long time to realize that I couldn't heal anybody else, that I couldn't do the work for other people. I grew up in a family that was very codependent. There was no such thing as knowing what interdependency was because all we knew was codependency. Everybody was in everybody else's business and everybody had an opinion about whatever it was that was going on. There were no healthy boundaries and the relationships were very unhealthy. And so I had to learn new ways, I had to get new data to install so that I could have more of the kind of relationships in my life that I longed for. Healthy relationships that 2s have mutual respect and have good boundaries. Is it perfect? No, because I'm human and sometimes I might fall into an old pattern. 1s The thing is though, I catch myself, right? And each time I fall into some old pattern or old routine, I can catch myself faster and faster. And that comes through repetition and practice. So breaking it down, 1s understanding that you need new data. 2s Then going out and discovering the new data, whether it is taking a course, going to a therapist, 1s seeing a coach. Those are some things that you can do to input new data. You can pick up some books. One book that I love for pattern interrupt and for, you know, rewiring their Brain is the High Five Habit by Mel Robbins. Go pick that up. So now you get new data. You create a pattern interrupt so that when you fall into an old pattern, you 54321. 2s There's the pattern. 54321. Take a breath, reset, move forward, start over again. The key is in between that gap in the previous show with Daniel Levin where he talks about you have words on the page and then you have the white space. And the white space is an empty space. 2s The white space is a filler right? And so what do you fill in with when you catch yourself falling into an old pattern or habit? Do you beat yourself up? Do you berate yourself? I had a really bad habit of doing that. And that can be just as harmful as any other trauma that's inflicted outside of you because our minds can create a lot of trauma within ourselves. So life is difficult enough outside of ourselves. Let's choose to make it less difficult within ourselves and within our mind. So make a habit of being kinder to yourself. I'm somebody who's been very harsh to myself and it's not easy be living 2s with that harshness with high expectations 2s and being hypercritical of myself. And so I've had to work really hard to break that habit of. And to create new patterns for myself. And I have great friends who will help me in those areas sometimes when I need it. And it was never something for me to understand that it was important to love yourself, because in my family, love was not that great. And this is my immediate family. 1s Love was hard, love was abusive. There was not unconditional love in my family. I grew up in a really critical family that had a lot of addiction and abuse. And so that was the data that I was given and the data that was written on my hard drive to start with. And so that hard drive, I won't say that it had to be erased, because that data is now valuable for me working with clients who have similar backgrounds. So I never want to erase the data. I want to input new data, new habits, new ways of doing things and approaching life. And that is a more healthy approach. So when you try to erase the hard drive, it's like when you try to stuff those feelings down, when you shove the ego in the closet, right? You turn off the light, but what happens? Does it go away? If you, for example, take a box full of old junk and you shove it in the corner in your closet, and you close the door and you leave it there, and you go back. 1s At the end of the week, is the box still there with all the junk in it? Yeah. And again, you close the door and you think, well, I can't see it, so it's okay. And you go back a month later and the box is still there. And now it's starting to collect dust. And then you go back a year from now and it's still there and collecting more dust in five years from now, and the box with all that junk is still there collecting dust, taking up space, 1s and not adding value, just being there. And so 3s just by ignoring it, by shoving it in the corner, hiding it in the closet, it doesn't erase or take those things away that you've experienced. It just buries them. And eventually what's going to happen is, well, maybe you'll get bugs in that box. Maybe you'll get moths. I know somebody that they had a massive moth problem in their house, and it wasn't because they weren't clean, but they somehow got moths in the house. And once they started multiplying, it was a huge job to get rid of them. And you can bring moths in in food or in clothes that you buy. It doesn't mean that your house is dirty. Just means that once they come in, if you ignore it, the problem is going to expand. So when you ignore the emotional 2s sense and when you ignore your emotions, when you ignore the data that was written on your hard drive in your brain, in your conscious and subconscious mind, it doesn't disappear. It's still there waiting for the perfect opportunity for somebody to open that closet door to pull that box out and for the things that are in that box to just spill out all over the place. And then you have a big problem, right? That's when relationships implode or explode. That's when you have a health crisis. That's when you have accidents or injuries. So you have this big disruption in your life that now says, hey, you've stuffed this in the closet and you've tried to ignore it, but now it's grown to the point where it's huge and you either have to deal with it or it's going to take you out. 2s Maybe I'm speaking to you, or maybe I'm speaking to somebody who you love, or maybe I'm speaking to your former self. And you've done the work, you've gone to therapy, you've done the processing, you've gone and had NLP or the lots of modalities and trainings that are out there. You've gotten to know who you really are in your core, and you now are living in the world in a more authentic, genuine, solid place of who you really are. And if you're in that place, I applaud you because it is not easy. And if you're in the place where you're not quite there yet, you might just be beginning this journey of wanting to change your life in some way, wanting to feel better about yourself, feel better about your relationships, feel better about your work environment or the work that you do in the world. Wherever you are on this journey, I do applaud you, just recognizing when something is not working anymore. And you need to get new data, you need to get some new input, you need another set of eyes on this. You need someone who has more understanding or information 1s that you don't have. When you have that recognition, that's the first step. I need to do something different now. Take the next step and find someone to work with, find a program, take a course, read a book. I read thousands of books when I didn't have money to be able to take courses. And I would pour through books like they were going to be pulled off the shelves, kind of like they have been in some states. That's a topic I could go down the rabbit hole on, but we're not going to do that today. 2s Yeah. 1s The first step is often the hardest step to take. So if you are at that point where you are just going to take that first step, I am with you. I applaud you, I support you. I see you take that first step. Reach out to someone, whether it's professional only or again, take a class, read a book. Find a way to take that first step. Talk. Get a mentor. Talk to somebody who has been through it and who's come out the other side of it, wherever you are on this journey. And if you have taken the first step, then take the next step. Keep going. We'll have periods in our lives where there's sort of a lull where things will be going pretty well and then all of a sudden, bam, 2s something happens and 1s there we are. 1s Here's something else to work on. Don't run away from it. Dive in deep. Find somebody who can walk the path to the deepness with you, who can support you, who's got the bandwidth to do it. Thank you so much for tuning in today. I know this was kind of a deep podcast and I tried to keep it light, talking about data, referring to our input as data. 1s And this is such an important topic though, right? Our lives sometimes depend on it. When we put new information in, our lives can change. 2s So I'm here saying that no matter where you are in your life, you can change it. You just have to take one step and then take the next step. It's one step at a time. 1s There's a saying in Alanon that says something like this. It's not going to be exactly quoted, but when you walk into the woods, say, for 30 years, you're not going to walk out overnight. And so when you begin this journey and you take one step into learning new healthier patterns, into understanding who you are, 1s the first step is not going to shift your life in such a tremendous way that you have a whole new, beautiful landscape before you. But it's the beginning of that. So imagine that, like in Oz when Dorothy came from Kansas and everything was black and white or sort of sepia toned or gray, and then landed in Oz, and all of a sudden she stepped out of that little house and everything was in Technicolor. 2s Every step that you take, the color opens up beautifully before you. The yellow brick road opens up before you. But you have to start at the beginning. Now, if you'd like to work with me, you can go on my website, Cynthiafontaine.com, and see what options are available at the time of the airing of this podcast. 2sDepending on the timing, there may be a group coaching program that's getting started. I do very limited one on one at this point in my career, but there'll be something in there some way that you can work with me. So go to my website, that's Cynthiafontaine.com, and sign up for my newsletter. If you're not on my newsletter list, you get a newsletter once a week for me. Tells you everything that's happening. 1s Usually it gives you a little blip into the podcast coming up for that week. And also 1swhat we're going to do on Clubhouse. I'm on Clubhouse the first and Friday and third Friday of each month. We take a little bit of a break in the summer, and that's the summer in North America, not Australia summer just for because I have a lot of listeners and followers in the southern hemisphere in Australia and so forth. All right, everyone, this is a wrap. I thank you so much for tuning in. Please share this with your family and friends, anyone who you feel will get value with this, and I will see you somewhere in the universe.